As I listened to yet another story, actually the same one repeated as it's often neatly wrapped in, "Can you believe he did that to me?" At this point, I barely allow a mumble to escape it's sanctuary that's safely tucked behind my lips, as I could care less about this story. It's repetitive nature disturbs me to my core. As a matter of fact, many years ago I implemented a friend rule that swings both ways, but it goes along the lines of this, one can not complain to me about the same problem after a certain amount of time as I will no longer listen to it. I'm never sure what that timeline looks like, but my spirit always let me know when it's had enough and refuses to absorb anymore of the stale bullshit being hurled my way.
When I think about how long ago that rule was introduced and included into my life it reminds me just how consistent I've been with not being interested in stagnation nor regression.
That rule was put into place for very well-thought out and specific reasons; of them, the intention of protecting my spirit and the incredibly fertile soil of my mind was atop the list. Just as we are what we physically eat, we're also what our mind and spirit absorbs and I only desire the best. If you know me personally (all you have to do is continue to read my blogs and you'll gain an incredible, working knowledge of me) then you know I am a severe food snob, I'm the same way when it comes to the information I ingest.
Also, I'm not a fan of victimhood--I have no desire to listen to it as every single one of us carries an incredible story and journey full of bumps, bruises and traumas, so to think that I want to listen to your repeated, "I've been victimized, yet again" story, well, all I have to say is your arrogance and self-absorption is showing.
Furthermore, how are you always the victim? How is it that you've played absolutely no role in the demise of your integrity nor the goings-on of your life? Have you sought out alternative routes to cross the bridge? Have you actually listened to the advice you continuously seek?
Girl, Bye! You ain't did none of that, that's why you keep calling me with this nonsense. You've done none of your "growing up" work and you want me to do it for you. Ain't nobody got time for that. Now, I can assist you, I can even stand beside you and just be there while you go through, I'll help you pick up the pieces of the wreckage; but, do your part so I CAN assist you.
The first rule of "adulting" is OWNING your shit. Lord, I've encountered sooo, sooo, many that can't complete this very simple task and I do understand that everything that's simple isn't easy to implement; but who said life or any part of it was easy?
Owning your shit is vital and the most important part of maturing and growing as a human being; it's also how we correct the "wrong" that we often sling into the universe. See, without taking responsibility for our own actions our view becomes limited to what the other party(ies) has done and to be quite frank someone else's actions isn't any of our business. There's an old adage that goes, "What someone does to you is their karma. How you respond is yours" I've learned that to be so true.
When shit gets real and hits the fan and there's been a falling out, one should examine the role they've played in the situation. For example and to name a few, I often ask myself, "How did you attract this person? What could I have done to create a different outcome? What was to be learned from our exchange?"
We're supposed to grow through our experiences and do so gracefully as that's the entire point of having such an experience. Holding ourselves accountable also thwarts bitterness...there is a sense of accomplishment our spirit receives and celebrates upon gaining knowledge, especially self-taught. Bitterness' root is disappointment and misdirected anger and when left unattended nor nurtured it finds it's home within and began to consume all within it's reach.
Gratefully, we came into the world equipped with the ability to be truthful and gentle with ourselves, simultaneously. Combined, these two create balance--this safe space allows you to keep it real with yourself, figure out what did you do though, as your actions or lack thereof co-created such an environment, gracefully receive the answer, forgive yourself and all parties involved and move on.
To move on is truly that simple. Own your shit. Be honest with yourself. Forgive (including yourself). And, voila! A new door opens and you have created room for new experiences, opportunities, advancements and wellness. So, the next time that friend, family member or "frienemy" contacts you with that thing that has kept her feet cemented in place since the great year of 1981; when the Jheri Curl and Jerk were a thing and still fashionable, Ima need you to tell her to hang up and dial again...another friend that is.
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About Hunny Goddess
Wise beyond her years and an empath; this compassionate, energy worker is often sought out for advice, encouragement and most certainly the truth. She'd like to share her collected gems and infinite wisdom (and blunders) with you, as she continues to travel along her journey of growth, love and light. #LightWorker