Why does God hate me?

Sitting on the floor, legs crossed one over the other, while the television blared some commercial about the latest and greatest, must have doll across the screen. As, it played, I asked my mother, "why does God hate me?" She looked perplexed and bewildered as she replied, "why would you ask me that?"

Challenge your own beliefs

I'm 40 years old (soon to be 41) and sometimes still feel that way when life is beating the utter and complete brakes off of me without remorse--but, I have a far more intimate relationship with my Creator and genuinely know I'm loved; however, as an impressionable, moldable and sponge-like 6 year old, I couldn't understand for the life of me why I had been created in the first place as I was an irritant to so many, I had zero self-control (as much as I tried--my God, I tried so hard) and in the words of many adults that participated in my rearing, "hated to see me coming" and was a total freak to everyone else.  

My mother went on to say, "God doesn't hate you--why do you think that?" To her surprise, I had an incredibly, logical response to her question--I replied, "if God loves me, why would he make me like this? Why would he make me look like this?" I'm not sure if she replied, as I can't remember; but, what I do remember is shortly thereafter (plus, several "antics" later) I wound up in therapy. 

How important is representation in mainstream media? If, I may in my less than humble opinion (it doesn't really matter if you ask or not, as I'm going to share it anyway, as this is MY blog! lol), it's extremely vital. Now, I'm not a fan of television and rarely turn it on, unless it's to watch a movie of my pickings; but many aren't like me and utilize the television for their entertainment and news outlets, yet so many of these individuals aren't and/or poorly and unfairly represented. The lopsided imagery that's blatantly, blazoned into the psyche of their precious, fertile soil does incredibe damage. 

At the speed of Japan's bullet train, the new year and new president-elect are rapidly approaching and I'm almost positive, millions of people are experiencing anxiety, fear and lack of representation--and with an absolute surety, this goes far beyond seeing one's self splayed across the television screen. The astronomical depth is astounding as the enormous groups of marginalized folks that has experienced a lifetime of seclusion from most parts of mainstream everything (even when 'liberal folks" were put into place to add a layer of representation and protection) is hazardous and teters on the side of indirect teachings of self-hatred. 

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Re-evaluating my entire life and moral code.

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Today, 11 - days later and after I began to write this piece, as I picked it back up, I clearly see where there's been an internal, prevelant and sharp bits of a shifted moral compass (in life; in general). 

I believe whole-heartedly in the saying, "Challenge your own beliefs -- without doing so (again, in my probably less than humbled, yet still humbled opinion--told you all I was a walking contradiction. I remember someone told me that when I was about 30 and I was beyond sick of her for it. Now, I get it), one will remain in the same spot until they concsiously acknowledge and receive the blessing of growth that has and/or is currently occurring. 

Needless to say, in the 11 - days that I lived life, celebrated my birthday (again, thank you all so much--I had a fantastic birthday weekend with some pretty spectacular folks, was moved to my core in such a beautiful way that is only translated via true and honest love. Thank you all! <3), contemplated, and re-evaluted my entire life and moral code; something(s) inside me, comfortably shifted into such a perfectly peaceful space, as I knew I'd just been elevated spritually and "it" knew it had found it's forever home.

With that said, I still, after all of that life-altering and wisdom garneshing, "adulting" I still believe it ito be imperative to represent all humans when telling the truth. See, the truth of the matter is, we're all here...all beating hearts and bloodflow, filled with life and dreams and hope for better, but mostly hopes to not become invisible, obselete nor forgotten. I'm almost postiive, even without pulling any statistics nor doing any "technical" research (Yes Lawd!, This, right chere is me--I couldn't have said it any better ---> "I'm a very smart person" - Donald Trump), that most humans want to feel connected; to themselves (some haven't evolved nor taken enough of the necessary baby steps to get to and collect the gems that lies on this part of life's journey that's shiny, colorful, and full of sharp objects that are lovingly garnished with glitter and juju-- stay focused! I'm mainly talking to myself, which I do quite often--as it's the first rule in, "learn how to love yourself" by Keisha J Jones), family, co-workers, and ultimately the world.

Okay, here's the thing and let's kill the bullshit--every single human with a pair of eyes and watch any piece of the media knows good and damn well that so many are not represented. That's why it's always some big "HOORAH" when the first woman goes to the moon, the first "Negro" plays professional baseball (probably, on the field that he and his family toiled--sorry, I digress), the first Latin actress that gets top billing for an all-star cast blockbuster she's starring in, or how about Native American music being finally inducted as a category of the American Music Awards that at the time had been running for, I don't know lets say 18 - 35 years; I can't remember the exact year but the nerve and atrocity of it all.

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Peace be with you

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You get the drift. And you know it to be true. Yet, you go along with it. I will never understand how so many would rather the collusion of silence than to simply speak the truth.  - K. J. Jones

Now don't get me wrong, I don't believe folks necessarily want to be bothered by others, but do themselves seek to be relevant and seen, by their peers, the opposite (and/or same) sex and the world. There is so much evidence of this truth and if you think I'm lying in my brilliance, just hit up Instagram--now, don't get me wrong, I love instagram, that's my shit, to be honest--I find it to be hilarious and hours worth of entertainment, but I also see, to what lengths lots - most folks will go to be seen. It's like a carnivorous, blood-suckling, vamp-life like circus.

But, I guess on a level that social media provides the platform for so many disenfranchised groups that it would both appear to and truly be that way; at least for a while until the excitement of representation dies down a tad. Well, I guess these are the repurcussions and side effects of not being represented fairly, truthfully and with integrity for so long.

I believe life matters. I believe representation is imperative. I believe that if it doesn't exist, create it. I believe, don't fight to be "included" into a system that was never created with you in mind and with the sole intention of exclusion. I believe we heal better in communites. One must live and love to believe.

​Namaste