Yesterday, I met up with a dear friend for drinks and then dinner...then more drinks, lol. We go together like peas and carrots (sn: I abhor peas and carrots) and are the same and so different in so many respects.
Over the course of our marathon conversation, we grazed over the dust-riddled and ancient conversation regarding 'men and women.' Where I whole-heartedly agree that we're spirits/souls that dwell in human bodies and form and are the same in many respects, I equally disagree that we are not different. "I don't believe in that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus bullshit." Lmao! I laughed as I wrote that, as I could still see the seriousness in his gold, amber and peridot, flecked-eyes and audible vigor that delivered it to my ears. And, just because we don't believe something doesn't make it so. It just doesn't make it so to us, as our perceptions create our realities; right, wrong, indifferent, narrowly or vast. I said, "women are gatherers and men are hunters" in which he replied, "I know some women hunters and men gatherers." I agree as there are many that do either; it's incredibly true that women can trot off into the forest, shoot and kill a bear, drag that mofo home and proceed to cook him up for dinner. I know some men that like to gather up flowers, grain and fruits and sashay home with it in a basket. Now, does this change the fact that were different, because either of us can do what the other one does? I mentioned women being nurturers, because we are--in the general sense and big picture, we are. I said to him, "this is why we give birth to babies", "I'm also a nurturer", he replied. This in fact may be true, but he isn't a nurturer like any woman I've ever come across in my lifetime and I've come across quite a few of them (my serious affinity for them has given me this platform and lots of experience/field research). The touch is absolutely different (btw, my friend despises being touched or any kind of touching too much for that matter--the human touch is one of THE most naturally, nurturing and healing elements known to man) and it comes so natural for most women (females)--they breathe it out. Have you ever watched an animal clean their pups/cubs/babies? The amount of care most women put into treading through life's mishaps to ensure they're "perfectly, healthy" for their loved ones is second to none. The bond and magic created from feeding your child from your very own body is absolutely, incredible. Most babies are afraid of their father's voice and presence until they hit a certain age. That's because mama is the nurturer, that's because there is no love like the love of a mother (hint: she's a woman). This, by no means takes anything away from papa, we're simply different.
No man on earth (recorded up to this date) can house nor physically give birth to children, as no man will EVER understand the underestimated and hyper-intense bond that comes along with becoming pregnant and being with child. There is deeply-seeded love that took every particle of my being over without my permission; I will never be able to articulate it. The physical pain associated with child-bearing is definitely out of this world (which is why I only had one cuz, aint nobody got time for that!), yet we do it--we go through excruciating, gut wrenching, soul-draining, shoot-me-in-the-face with a sawed off shot gun, kinda pain to bring those sweet lil creatures here to earth. I remember, after 19 hours of kray (labor) and delivering him, they laid my son on me...upon approaching with him in his little bed on wheels, I could barely inhale without craving death as tears streamed from my closed eyes, but, when they laid him across my wounded belly, the entire world stopped. There was no more pain. Only overwhelming joy filled my heart and if there is a heaven, I was in it. A mother's love. The laying of hands, stroking of the hair, the hugs that makes it all better, the kissing of "boo boos", the gentle whispers in the ear that everything is going to be alright as this woman will cover and protect you. She will protect you from anyone, including daddy.
I've studied the animal kingdom since as long as I could remember, and I absolutely understand why they call mothers "mama bears" as they are not here for anything nor anyone fucking with their offspring. There isn't one female animal that is having it--not a lioness, an elephant, a bird--hell, my first cat, was crazy after she'd given birth. If you looked at her kittens too hard, she'd rip your eyes out. I know a man that was bitten in the face by a dog because he hovered and came just a tad too close to her brand new babies.
I've written this long-winded piece to simply say this, we are the same, both men and women; but, we're also different. And, those differences are starkly important as they create balance. We are spirit, but we are also human and to negate the human side is an injustice. My spirit may have connected deeply with that baby, but my human self carried him, my human self felt the worse pain I've ever encountered to date, my human self wept after they laid him across my belly, my human self is what continues to protect my 24 year old son as if he's still 24 months. My human side is just as fierce as my spirit and I'll tell you what, I'm grateful that I know this and for the men that help balance me with their energies, calmness (opposite of women's pettiness--go ahead and lie and say you aren't) and because they're hunters by nature, their innate problem solving skills are vastly needed.
Fact: we're the same. But! We are ALL different. Fact: men and women are physically different. So, here's a shot in the dark, is it at all possible that we also bring different elements to the table in hopes to bring about the most vital and balanced life that we possibly can? I'd say absolutely. I'd also say that to negate these beautiful layers one must be looking through an incredibly narrow scope.
Be well my friends and kittens,
photo cred: google.com
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